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“Silence is Strength” is a message passed down through generations that says, I’m going to protect myself and others by not talking about the trauma I’ve gone through.

Russell Carr, M.D., a naval psychiatrist who heads up adult outpatient psychiatry at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center said in Psychology Today “People who have experienced traumatic events in their lives want to connect and feel understood about them, but often the risk of rejection and the subsequent shame and guilt are too powerful. They often feel no one else can get it. They feel that no one really wants to hear how terrible something was for them, whether it is being sexually assaulted, the suicide of a relative, or combat.”

As a result, staying silent keeps that individual from the very thing that could aide their healing and recovery, connection to others. It can also create generational cycles of managing pain through dysfunctional or maladaptive means.

In his book Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, Surgeon General of the United States Dr. Vivek Murthy talks about our innate desire to connect, the consequences of a lack of connection, and the power of sharing our lives in community.

This season we’re celebrating and finding the gifts in being cycle breakers. In episode 33 I talk with author Peyton Garland about breaking the cycle of silence.

Peyton and I bonded over our love for important family members, her three uncles and my father, who were drafted into the Vietnam war and dealt with the trauma they suffered by not talking about it. We both have soft hearts for this previous generation who dealt with their pain by stuffing it deep inside. But even with that compassion, we felt the need to break the cycle of silence by opening up and finding other ways to manage our pain.

There was a time when I kept silent, dealing with my pain by hard work and achievement. And when I wasn’t doing that, checking out with marijuana and alcohol. I worked and played hard to keep from feeling the pain that wanted to seep out of me. But pain always finds its way out whether we want it to or not. Thankfully, I sought the help of a therapist. That therapist helped me get on a healing path that eventually softened my heart enough to cry out and hear God. Connecting with God has allowed me a wealth of tools and community support that reinforces my ability to share my heart and be refreshed. So grateful for that.

To hear more about my journey in overcoming generational cycles of abuse, neglect, and poverty, catch up on previous episodes and blog posts.

Episode Notes:

Peyton Garland is an author and coffee shop hopper who loves connecting people to a grace much bigger than expected. Her debut book, Not So by Myself, was promoted by Former White House Press Secretary Dana Perino and Endorsed by TED Talk speaker and creator of the More Love Letters Movement, Hannah Brencher. She lives in Colorado Springs with her husband, Josh, and their two gremlin dogs, Alfie and Daisy which you can see on Peyton’s Instagram.

At All Gifts we share our stories to inspire and equip you to turn your pain into gifts. Follow on Apple, Spotify, or anywhere else you podcast.