Episode 42: A Trauma Counselor's Journey to Motherhood
Listen as a podcast by clicking the black box below or go to your favorite podcasting place and search for The All Gifts Podcast . . . or read the blog version below. You can also watch the video filmed in Malawi.
Roselynn is a seamstress. She made the dress she is wearing in this pic!
As I shared in episode 41, as well as episode 39 of The All Gifts Podcast, last year a listener of the podcast connected me to an organization in Malawi, Africa called When the Saints.
When the Saints is a trauma safe house for girls sixteen years and younger who have been sexually abused or rescued from sex trafficking. But as I learned when I went to Malawi, they do so much more.
In this episode, I’m on location in Malawi having a conversation with Roselynn, head trauma counselor at When the Saints. Roselynn has been with the organization from the beginning. She’s changed the trajectory of over one-hundred and sixty girl’s lives but what impressed me the most is her adoption of three little girls. I wanted to know more about how her work at When the Saints led to her becoming a mother.
Roselynn’s joy is her strength. I’ve been forever impacted by her story and I know you will too.
You can listen to the conversation on the link above, watch it on YouTube, or read the transcript below.
Transcript of Episode 42
Pandora 00:00
Hi, thank you for coming to the all gifts podcast. I am here in Mponela, Malawi at WHEN THE SAINTS safe home and with me today is Roselynn. Roselynn, how are you?
Roselynn 02:16
I'm okay. How are you today?
Pandora 02:18
I'm good. Roselynn, tell us what you do here at the safe house.
Roselynn 02:23
So he had when the since I work as a trauma counselor. In fact, the head trauma counselor in my department.
Video of this conversation filmed in Malawi, Africa.
Pandora 02:30
So you're the head trauma counselor in your department?
Roselynn 02:33
Yes.
Pandora 02:33
How many counselors work in your department?
Roselynn 02:36
We have five, five.
Pandora 02:39
okay. And being the head counselor means what? What does that mean?
Roselynn 02:44
It means I supervise the others.
Pandora 02:46
So you're the boss lady.
Roselynn 02:49
You can say that.
Pandora 02:50
And then aside from doing that, what else do you like to do? I know you did something for me while I was here.
Roselynn 02:57
Yes. Aside from that I also love to make dresses
Pandora 03:01
and you make beautiful dresses.
Roselynn 03:02
Oh yes, I do.
Pandora 03:03
So you make dresses. You made a skirt for me. What else do you make anything else?
Roselynn 03:07
I make bags and make sure I make curtains.
Pandora 03:12
She's an awesome seamstress and loved ones, I will definitely give you some information about how to buy some of Roselynn wonderful things. Okay, so going back to When the Saints the reason why I want to talk to you today is I heard an amazing story about you. So not only are you the head trauma counselor here at When the Saints but you also have through your job here became a mother. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Roselynn 03:40
Yeah. So through When the Saints I think when this has given me a chance to be a mother. I have three girls that I have literally just adopted, one I adopted here at this firm, but the other two from elsewhere.
Pandora 03:58
But they were connected to the safe home. Yes. Okay. So I want to ask a little bit more about that here in a few minutes. But first, I want to ask you. . . How long have you been with When the Saints?
Roselynn 04:09
I've been working with when the saints for this is my sixth year? sixth year?
Pandora 04:13
Yes. And how long has when the saints been open?
Roselynn 04:16
It's been existence . . . has existed since 2015.
Pandora 04:20
So you've been here from the beginning?
Roselynn 04:22
Yes. The very first day we opened the doors to four girls, I was the first counselor
Pandora 04:27
You were the first counselor here.
Roselynn 04:29
Yeah.
Pandora 04:29
Wow. Okay, so you're the first counselor, you've been here for six years since the beginning. And you're now the supervisor of the counselors. Okay. And through the safe house, she has been connected to her three daughters who she's adopted. And you're a single mother.
Roselynn 04:43
Yes, yes.
Pandora 04:44
And so what I want to get into the details about the girls, but before we go there, what about this? Or maybe you can tell the story of, a little bit about how you came to become their mother. And why. What was the connection and what made you I want to do that.
Roselynn 05:03
I think I just have a passion to see other people live a life, you know, to the fullest. So when they are things that hinder them experiencing a full life in I have a chance to support. I feel like I should do that is my responsibility somehow. So I I came to know my first girl she's thirteen years old
Pandora 05:27
Thirteen!
Roselynn 05:28
Yes. Her name is, in English I would say Grace. Yes, Chisomo. Yes.
Pandora 05:29
And that's her name? In Chichewa?
Roselynn 05:36
Yes, in Chichewa.
Pandora 05:39
In Chichewa her name is Chisomo. In English her name is Grace.
Roselynn 05:43
Yeah.
Pandora 05:43
Okay. So Grace is thirteen. Tell us about how you . . . keep going.
Roselynn 05:48
She's the thirteen now. I met her when she was three years old. Okay, so she was living with a very old grandmother, her mother died a month after giving birth to her. Okay, so she literally never had . . she didn't breastfeed, she was just, you know, being raised like that. And to the third year when I was just passing, doing my charity work, I was helping, you know, old ladies in the community. And I found her sitting with, there were two actually, two little ones and this old, very old lady. So my heart was drawn to them. And I went to sit with them. And, you know, we chat, we talked. So this, this girl, she called me mom when she just saw me. And that didn't move me. But what moved me was the situation they we're in. And when I talked with with the grandmother, not once or twice, many times, I kept visiting, I learned the whole story. So I started caring for her while still there with the grandmother. And the relationship grew. And so because there was no one else there was caring for that family in a land that there were no relatives around who were also willing to support them. So I took up the resource for them, you know, caring for them. And until the grandmother passed away. So when she passed away, it meant that the girl was going to be alone. So I had to take her in.
Pandora 07:09
Okay, yes. Okay. So that wasn't connected to the safe house that was connected to you doing charity work in the community taking care of the elderly?
Roselynn 07:17
Yes, yes.
Pandora 07:18
Okay. Thank you for sharing that. Okay. And then tell us about how you came to be a mother for your second child.
Roselynn 07:25
So the second one is now eight years old,
Pandora 07:29
okay.
Roselynn 07:31
I took her in when she was four. So this girl, she was here at the safe house. But we, we learned that there was no one to care for he. Her mother died and the father was nowhere to be seen. So when she was here at the safe home, there were actually three kids, like two sisters and one brother.
Pandora 07:51
And they had been abused by somebody?
Roselynn 07:52
They were being abused because they were living alone. They were taking care of each other. The oldest was 10. And the other one was six. And then she was four.
Pandora 08:01
Okay
Roselynn 08:02
So when they were staying by themselves, it was not safe. They were vulnerable. Men would just abuse them until we got the word that there were girls, children, who were being abused. And then through the social affairs, we brought them to the safe house. But after some time, nobody was coming for them. And the people from the village, they try, just to give up. . . to say the kids can't come back to this village until probably maybe some years, maybe after they have grown up. But there is no . . . there was no possibility for them to be raised at an institution because institutions in Malawi have a limited time of keeping children.
Pandora 08:41
Okay.
Roselynn 08:42
So then we through the social affair, we started the process of wanting to foster them if there will be anyone willing to take care of these kids, but nobody was coming forward. Someone showed interest to take care of them. But then the processes were so difficult that it was very hard for even that person to to adopt or foster the children. And we kept them, you know, helping them and giving them counseling. But I thought it in my heart, why should we wait for other people to come and care for these kids? When we are right here?
Pandora 09:16
Yeah.
Roselynn 09:16
And I have a home, I have a house. And I have room at home. I have love in my heart to share. So what if, you know, I take care of this girl?
Pandora 09:27
Yes.
Roselynn 09:28
And then I felt in my heart that I have to do that. So we started the process with social welfare. So that I can, you know, take . . have custody of the child. So I took her in,
Pandora 09:39
and this was four years ago.
Roselynn 09:40
Yes.
Pandora 09:41
Okay. So now you have two girls, and then tell me about when did the third girl come?
Roselynn 09:49
So the third girl came in this year. This is 2021.
Pandora 09:53
This year, okay.
Roselynn 09:54
And she's now eight months old.
Pandora 09:56
Eight months?
Roselynn 09:57
Yes,
Pandora 09:57
she's a baby.
Roselynn 09:58
Yes, she's a baby. I'm raising a baby. So this girl, unfortunately, she was born from a teen mom, her mother will be 14 years in some weeks time. So she was a girl in our program actually here. Okay, so after discharge, she's the first girl who has experienced, you know, second term abuse once she went home. So after discharge, we sent her home to be with her mother, who is also a single mom. Unfortunately, her uncle who lives close by was the one who abused her for the second time. Okay, so when the uncle abused her, it resulted into pregnancy,
Pandora 10:40
it resulted in pregnancy.
Roselynn 10:41
Yes.
Pandora 10:41
Okay.
Roselynn 10:42
So there were so many conflicts at home, the uncle run away after learning that the police were looking for him because she is just a child. So it meant a case with the police. So after one month, after the child was born, this teen mom was living with her grandmother, the baby's grandmother, were not really taking care of the child, they didn't accept her to be born, like, you know, to her to be part of that family. So they would sometimes lock her up in the house. And this girl, the teen mom, right then started going back to school. She said I can't stop school because of this child, I have to go on with my life. So they would just leave the child by herself, maybe in the house, and then they go their way,
Pandora 11:25
just a baby by itself
Roselynn 11:27
baby by itself. So after, after one month, I learned about how the child was living. I came back and spoke with David to see if we can provide formula for the baby. So if they go their way at least they can be feeding the baby. So David agreed, and then we did a Donor See to support the baby with formula. As we're waiting for the Donor See to be funded, the child was somehow sick. So since we're waiting for the formula, I volunteered to take the child to the hospital.
Pandora 11:59
Okay.
Roselynn 12:00
So when I took the baby to the hospital, after some days as we're waiting for the formula because they couldn't feed they are nothing to feed the baby. So I said okay, let me take care of her as she's receiving treatment. After some days, after a week, I spoke with David again to say even though it's not funded would it be okay, if we provide them these needs, so that the baby can go back home. David agreed and then we bought the formula as well as the diapers and other things. So we called the grandmother over to come and pick up the baby. But when she came she refused to take the child with her. Yeah, so when she refused take the child with her. Of course, I had no choice but to still keep the baby and as I was keeping her and all this, I informed the social welfare office about the whole issue
Pandora 12:47
and long story short is
Roselynn 12:48
Long story short
Pandora 12:49
you adopted her
Roselynn 12:51
I had to take her.
Pandora 12:52
You had to take her. So you said you had to take her. Tell me about that because you don't have to but there's something that compels you. What is it inside of you that compelled you to to take care of them, to do what you do for When the Saints. What is it that compels you?
Roselynn 13:12
There's there's something that inspired me, but this is from David, the founder of this place. He was explaining the word when the saints even though I come from far, but sometimes in life we need confirmation of things that . . should I do this? Am I doing the right thing? Is it the right direction? So this other day David was speaking about when the saints and he said something that kind of, to me, it was like an answer . . . what was the questions that I had. So this time I had stayed with this baby for some for some weeks and then I was debating and praying about it. God should I do this or should I not ? Give me a sign? So David, he was just talking to someone else but I was there and I heard. He said "When the saints . . . when the saints what? He said, "When the saints care . . . when the saints love . . . you know. So it's us who completes when the saints.
Pandora 14:07
Yeah, when the saints is the beginning of the sentence.
Roselynn 14:09
Yeah, it's the beginning but we complete "when the saints." So when the saints what? I asked myself with what he's saying, what am I completing when the saints? I said, "Oh, when the saints care, when they love . . . "
Pandora 14:10
when we love what happens?
Roselynn 14:14
Yeah, what happens and we change lives. And then what? So it goes on and on and on, to the glory of God. Yeah, God gets the glory in everything that we do. So that to me came as a confirmation and that's what I was praying for. Like, I think I have to look nowhere else but within and see if there's room for me to you know, carry that baby. So yes.
Pandora 14:49
Okay. I know that you think about only the best things I can tell you're that type of person. You're like a Philippians 4 person who thinks about what is good, what is excellent, what is praise worthy. I know you're one of those people. But for a moment, I'd like you just to share what are a couple of challenges you have in, you know, living here in Malawi. With, you know, working full time, having three daughters that you've adopted, being a single woman. What are some of your challenges? Because first I'm going to ask you about your challenges, and then I'm going to ask you, of course, how God has turned those challenges into gifts. So what are a few challenges for you?
Roselynn 15:31
Yeah, there are challenges it's not, it's not something that, that comes easy and goes easy. You know, raising these kids have taught me so much. And I have also experienced so many challenges. Sometimes, it puts me in a position whereby, like, "did I do the right choice?"
Pandora 15:57
Yeah. Because, you know, none of us know how to be parents.
Roselynn 16:00
Yeah!
Pandora 16:01
No one hands you a book and says, This is how to be a parent.
Roselynn 16:04
Yeah, right. Exactly. Yes. So when something . . . when they're behaving somehow, like, is it my fault? Is it because I don't have my own child? Maybe I have never experienced this. So yeah, there's so many challenges that I'm really you know, facing, including how to best you know, care for them. I'm busy. I work full time as you're saying. I have to entrust these kids with a maid.
Pandora 16:28
Okay, so you have a nanny. You have a house and house help.
Roselynn 16:30
Yes. That is helping me to care for the girls.
Pandora 16:32
which in Malawi is relatively inexpensive than say, you know, someone who has a nanny in the States. However, you know, you probably also get paid less here in Malawi than people get paid in the United States. So do you mind sharing with us a little bit of like those economics, like the financials?
Roselynn 16:51
Yeah, they're there. I desire the best for them. Yes, but there are so many limitations. Yes. Especially this little one she's very consuming.
Pandora 17:01
Yeah. And the formula is expensive.
Roselynn 17:03
Formula every day and diapers and food. Now she's eats solid food. So you have to really, you know, budget for her. And as I'm doing first
Pandora 17:13
Does she wear diapers?
Roselynn 17:14
Yeah, full time.
Pandora 17:17
All day. All night!
Roselynn 17:18
Yeah. Like, as I'm caring for her, I cannot also neglect the others, I have to also give attention to them.
Pandora 17:25
So amongst all those challenges, tell me how God has turned those challenges in your life into gifts. How he has given you like we talked about Romans 8:28, and in all things and all of our challenges, and all of the pain, God always turns it into the good. What are some of the good things that have come out of these challenges?
Roselynn 17:46
Yeah, some of the good things. You know, I have, like prayer partners. The two girls have, seriously, they love to pray and they pray for me alot. So I'm confident whenever I'm going anywhere, I know I have a backup somewhere. So the lovely girls who prays, they are my strength somehow. And apart from that, I think I have learned to love selflessly. Like to really care for someone. Instead of just thinking about myself. Now God has, you know, enlarged, you know, my space to also look at someone else. I used to just think about me and do things for me. But now I cannot. I have to think of going home in time. To think of, okay, I need to, you know, buy groceries because I have people at home, I have kids to you know love. So yeah, I've learned to love, you know, to give it fully, because I have to give to them. And they have to experience that as well. Apart from that, it's not just about from seeing the girls now that I see what God has done. But also even before God has made me like, I've talked about, you know, my passion for sewing. Yeah, it also came in when I had a challenge. So I learned that out of, I was stressed, and I'm like, "what should I do with this stress?" So God just led me to learning a new skill in life. This is also helping them, also teaching the girls how to stitch.
Pandora 19:09
Okay, so you're teaching girls here at the safe house?
Roselynn 19:11
Safe house and even at home.
Pandora 19:13
even at home,
Roselynn 19:13
yes, my girls are sewing.
Pandora 19:14
So God is letting you use sewing as a way to release your stress. And it's also a gift you're giving the girls in your life as well.
Roselynn 19:23
Yes.
Pandora 19:23
Awesome. How did you learn to sew?
Roselynn 19:26
It's really funny how it came. I was I was having a hard time in my life. And I was just passing by market. And I saw this man sewing at the market as a business. He has a machine outside the store. And I saw some nice dresses that he had made. So I stopped him like "do you mind teaching me?" you know, doing this. So he said no, I don't have time. I said "like no, I don't mind just watching you and asking questions. You don't have to stop your work. "He said, "Oh, if you can manage that you can come" and then he thought I was joking. But I was so serious. And then I went first day, I sat there and I saw him do things. And I started asking questions and my interest grew to learn more. So as I was, you know, going there, I went there every morning to learn from him.
Pandora 20:12
Wow, how many days or time
Roselynn 20:14
for the whole month
Pandora 20:14
for the whole month,
Roselynn 20:15
like going there every morning from home just to see him. So then I learned from him. So after that, I spoke with my family. And so my mom, saw how, how important that was to me and like, you really want to do this and I'm like yeah, so he she bought me my first sewing machine. So when I got the sewing machine, I gave it to him to the tailor. To say, Okay, I'm giving you my machine. When I come, I'll be using it. You can use it when, when I come, teach me from this.
Pandora 20:40
That I was smart.
Roselynn 20:41
Yes. So I give him and then he's like, okay, all right. Yeah, so, but he charged me 20,000 I don't know how much that would be in dollars. But he charged me
Pandora 20:50
20,000 kwacha.
Roselynn 20:51
Yeah,
Pandora 20:51
to just have your to just have your, your sewing machine there
Roselynn 20:55
like $15 Like, $30?
Pandora 20:57
Okay, it's about 30 US dollars per month?
Roselynn 21:00
For the whole time. Yeah. The whole time I'm learning.
Pandora 21:04
Just to have it there. And did you only have it there for a month? Or did this go on for some time?
Roselynn 21:09
For a month I had it there and then I took it home so that I can keep practicing what I learned from him
Pandora 21:15
How long ago was this? You've been sewing for how long? How many years?
Roselynn 21:26
For seven years.
Pandora 21:27
For seven years? Okay. Yes. And she just made me a skirt in like an hour last week. That was amazing. It was beautiful. I got to wear it to meet the First Lady of Malawi. Yeah, it was gorgeous. All over, you know, I posted it. And I had friends commenting. Where did you get that skirt?
Roselynn 21:44
Oh, wow!
Pandora 21:45
Yeah. That's how come I started asking you questions about this. So anyway, Roselynn, I'm going to wrap this up. And I just want to ask you one more question. If you could just share with me, you know, what is one thing that God has taught you about pain and challenges and suffering, that you now can see and look back at those things and see that they're actually gifts in your life? Can you think of anything like that, where you feel like God has shown you that suffering, pain, things people try to avoid, can actually be a gift? Is there anything you want to share about that?
Roselynn 22:19
Yes. Most of the times in our lives, when we have experienced, you know, stressful events, we tend to find ways to you know, survive in those moments so that I can reach tomorrow. Whatever ways we choose, most of the times, they're not healthy ones.
Pandora 22:38
right?
Roselynn 22:38
Yeah. But if we, you know, challenge ourselves to say I'm going to step out into other people's world, or I'm going to let someone in, in my world, they begin to understand us, or we begin to understand other people. But if I get stuck in one place, and be like, Oh, this is how I'm going just to deal with my pain, then I will not grow, then I will not learn. I will not know what God has for me. So for me, what also had made me discover, you know, God, using challenges around me to turn them into something wonderful for his glory was the fact that I also had a problem. I had challenges in my life, the biggest challenge, maybe it's okay, that I can share, just within a second to say, I planned a wedding which failed.
Pandora 23:22
Okay, yeah,
Roselynn 23:23
last minute. But I was stressed and I was worn out. But then that did not stop me from living. I had to allow myself to step out after really being, you know, in my own world for a long time, but I had to step out and see what God would use this, you know, for, for his glory, and for my own good. Because God does things for our own good as well. We need to be happy. We need to, you know, experience His love and be able to talk about his love. I can't talk about God's love if I've never expressed his love. So he allows us to experience so that we can talk about it. So out of my challenges I saw God just transforming the whole me for His glory. And today, I can again, you know, stay hours talking about the goodness of God because I'm seeing it. I'm living actually today. And I'm able to share it even with the growth that I, you know, I call my daughters today. Yeah, so yes.
Pandora 24:18
I love it. Thank you. Thank you for sharing. Well, Roselynn, you are such a gift and we're really grateful to have you on the All Gifts Podcast. So thanks for being here.
Roselynn 24:27
Thank you so much Pandora.
Pandora 24:29
And thank you Loved Ones for watching and thank you for listening.
