4 Steps to Process Change and Transform it into Gifts
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2020 has been the great equalizer. It has forced us all, no matter race, gender, or income, to face change. We can resist change, or we can transform it into a gift. If you’d like to hear more, please listen to the related All Gifts Podcast Episode 5, 4 Steps to Process Change and Transform it into Gifts.
Processing change by journaling in my garden
I became a teen mom, I left home and went to college, I got married and divorced, was a single mom and married again. I’ve moved across the country twice. I’ve shifted my career at least three times and I’ve launched my two children off into adulthood.
Although it’s just as scary for me as it is for you, over the years, I’ve become a little more comfortable, even a little excited for change.
But the year 2020 brought changes on another level.
It was painful but this year has taught me two important lessons about how change can be a gift. I’ve learned that control is an illusion, and that adaptation is powerful.
Let’s talk about control.
The events of 2020 have brought many changes to our lives that have shattered our illusion of control. No matter who we are or where we live, the coronavirus pandemic changed our entire way of life. Everything has been disrupted, from our daily routines to the way we work, the way we play, and the way we interact with others.
People have been passionately divided on how to respond to the virus. Before that could be reconciled, an awareness of racial injustice broke through the American consciousness. People who were previously untouched by racism couldn’t escape the media coverage of racial injustice. The result, more division. Some people protested the murdering of black people by the establishment meant to protect them. And other people felt the protests were unpatriotic.
And the year hasn’t stopped bringing change and disruption. There were the wildfires that consumed the west coast. Wars, natural disasters, and the American presidential election. The deaths of people like Kobe Bryant and his daughter Gianna, Chadwick Boseman, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg have had many people reflecting on how quickly life can change.
People are responding and reacting to all of this in sometimes surprising, even shocking ways. People are pulling apart and, in some cases, people are coming together.
All this loss of control can make anyone feel anxious, depressed, and angry.
Just as we can’t control natural disasters or the people in our lives, we can’t control the outcome of our activities. We should dream, we should do the hard work, but we must remember that the results are largely out of our control. And this is good news!
Because once we give up the illusion of control, we can release the burden of the outcome.
Instead of resisting change, we can adapt and grow.
When we aren’t married to the outcome, our creativity can blossom. We can allow change to be a catalyst. We are propelled to move forward and take new risks in areas where we were previously afraid to venture.
Change, death or loss of a person, an idea, or a construct brings grief. If we allow it, our grief can transform into gifts. It can bring our priorities into focus. We can recognize our true loved ones and supportive structures. And we can let go of the rest.
How can you get from a place of resisting change to embracing change as a gift?
First, remember it doesn’t happen instantly, it’s a practice. So be gentle with yourself.
Second, schedule time for regular rest and reflection. When you are in a restful and receiving posture, it is easier to process change. Processing the emotions swirling around inside, helps you move from the place where you logically accept change in your head to accepting it with your heart and soul. Then, you can fully enjoy all the gifts the change can bring in your life.
Here are 4 Steps to Process Change and Transform it into Gifts:
1. Write the changes down
2. For each change, write down how the change makes you feel and why. Usually there are a mix of emotions. Don’t be surprised if they conflict. For example, if you are moving into a new place, you could be excited yet worried about liking your new neighbors and sad about leaving your old place, all at the same time.
3. As you write the emotions out, let yourself feel them. This helps you move into a place of accepting and processing those emotions.
4. Once you’ve processed the emotions, write down the possible gifts the change can bring. For the moving example you may write down that you will have a shorter commute which will cut down your stress level and allow you a few extra minutes at home.
For more on how I process change, see podcast and blog post, The Gift of Empowerment in Isolation.
Using an example from my life, when COVID hit, my church stopped meeting in person. I felt sad, angry, and afraid. Through journaling it out I realized I felt sad because my spiritual community was especially important to me. I consider them family. I also discovered that I was angry on many levels, the decision to not meet, the governor of California, the coronavirus, God. I felt abandoned and I was afraid I wouldn’t find a way to enjoy worshiping God in person again.
Once I’d processed, I realized what I needed was to find a place to worship in person. My husband and I were then able to pray for such an opportunity and it presented itself. We’ve been meeting with a new church that has in-person, socially distanced worship services. This has brought many unexpected gifts, our spiritual family has increased, and we’ve been given a fresh view of God’s word which has enriched our faith. These gifts wouldn’t have happened if coronavirus hadn’t forced the change.
Loved ones, I know change is hard, often painful. But I hope these tips remind you how to intentionally process change and release control so that you can see change as a gift.
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