How to Redefine Failure

Do you have a fear of failure?  In this episode of The All Gifts Podcast I have a conversation with my twenty-nine-year-old son Jarelle Dampier about things we've perceived as failures in our lives but which looking back, we can now see as gifts.

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Transcript

Do you have a fear of failure?

In Episode 7 of The All Gifts Podcast, How to Redefine Failure, I have a conversation with my twenty-nine-year-old son Jarelle Dampier about things we’ve perceived as failures in our lives but which looking back, we can now see as gifts.

Motivation

Jarelle is the child I brought into the world when I was barely 16, a decision which many saw as a failure. Although I always saw him as a gift, for many years, I lived with the stigma and shame of being a single, teen mom. My family was already on welfare and I brought another mouth to feed into the house when we barely had enough. Not to mention I made my path, already rocky, even harder.

Eventually, that path led to Jarelle growing up. When I looked back, I could clearly see that he’d been a catalyst in my life. Once I had him, I wanted to become a better person. I was motivated to go after an education, a career, and self-development.

Ironically, he is now my biggest success.

Clarity

Unrequited love, getting fired, not making the team, bombing an audition, hurts. But after the pain subsides and our scars heal, we can reframe those failures for what they truly are, an opportunity to get closer to the things that are meant for us.

Innovation

When I got my MBA, I did a concentration in entrepreneurship to learn how to start my own business. I learned that successful entrepreneurs are extremely comfortable with failure. They like to fail fast and often. Every great innovation was the product of iteration, learning from mistakes, trying again, and improving on failures.

Transformation

In this episode of The All Gifts Podcast, Jarelle talks about how his relationship failures helped him “find [his] own reasons to exist” outside of relationship which built up his character to prepare him for his wife. Prior heartbreak helped him realize that he was attaching himself to people to fill up an emptiness he had inside. Rather than being rooted in love, he looked to people for something they could never give, fulfillment. Facing this in his character and having those experiences made him even more grateful for his wife when he found her.

These are a few things I do when I’m processing failure:

Spend time alone.
Talk with someone safe and supportive.
Cry. It’s soothing, releases endorphins, and restores emotional balance.
Pray or meditate.
Physical movement or exercise. Go for walks.
Journal. Get it all out.
Self-care. A long, hot bath. Put on lotion. Paint your nails.

When I say failure can be a gift, I’m speaking from experience. I got married and divorced by the time I was twenty-five. A single mom with two kids, two baby dads, no husband, and a trail of relationship failures.

I’ve made plenty of parenting mistakes, got fired once, and changed careers at least three times (for more on this listen and read The All Gifts Podcast Episode 6. Leading Yourself through Change and Disruption). This podcast and blog are proof that I no longer wait until I have all the answers and assurance that I’ll do things perfectly. I’m embracing failure and imperfection because that’s where creativity lives.