Episode 31: What is a Cycle Breaker?

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I was having a conversation with a relative recently and they asked,

“Do you think our family is cursed?”

I do believe in family curses but not in the sense of what you would see on a movie or TV show. “Generational curses” are dysfunctional cycles set in motion and unconsciously passed down from generation to generation. These behavior patterns or mind-sets have a cumulative negative effect as the consequences are passed on to the next generation.

For example, poverty, addiction, codependency, domestic violence, and abuse are a few of the generational curses that have been broken in my life.

Generational curses can be spiritual like being prone to dark thinking. Or, they can be in practical areas like not having savings accounts, access to tutoring, or networking through social clubs.

Big cheesy grin, graduating with honors from Pepperdine University with my MBA in 2017. I was forty-two years old.

Have you heard the term cycle breaker?

The term “cycle breaker” was new to me up until very recently, but once I learned what it was, it really resonated.

A cycle breaker is someone who sees a destructive pattern in their family and intentionally decides to break the cycle.

I am a cycle breaker.

One of the joys in my life is seeing other people become cycle breakers.

I hope that my blog, upcoming memoir, and this podcast will inspire YOU to be a cycle breaker.

For me, being a cycle breaker started with education, work and finances. My dad didn’t finish high school. He eventually got his GED but spent his teen years in juvenile hall before getting drafted to serve in Vietnam. He never went back to school.

My mom graduated from high school, but she didn’t feel confident in her ability to learn. When she and my dad got a divorce, she had no work history and no hope of getting an education so she went on welfare. Being on public assistance further hurt her pride, self-esteem, and sense of security.

I decided to break that cycle and go to college.

Like a video game, there were many levels toward achieving that goal. The first level or two I focused and got good grades. My home life was unstable. I came to school hungry, distracted, and filled with shame. But I worked hard and had some wins that encouraged me to keep going. With each grade level, the game got harder. In addition to classes being more challenging, SATs, financial aid forms, and college applications were a foreign language I was forced to learn. I got a scholarship but once I was in college, I worried about keeping it. Then there was that gnawing feeling that the admissions office made a mistake letting me in and would kick me out at any moment.

Breaking cycles is hard work.

For a cycle breaker, every step takes a herculean effort. It took me a long time to get that. I thought it was me. I’d get frustrated at myself for not breaking through faster. I was afraid to admit that my lack of access put me at a disadvantage. That felt like an excuse to give up.  But the truth is achieving things in this world is harder for cycle breakers.

But it’s not impossible.

All Gifts is about finding the gifts in our pain and our challenges. I’ve found strength and resilience in being a cycle breaker. But even more importantly, I’ve found self-compassion. To this day I’m learning to be more kind to myself and admit, “this is harder for me.”

I’ve learned to set goals and shoot for the stars but to also level set my expectations by taking time to recognize my achievements along the way.  

To help you continue to break cycles, download your free gift from me, Journal Prompts for Cycle Breakers. Let’s do this cycle breakers!

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If you can relate, send me a message or leave a comment below!