What is the point of forgiveness?
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In episode 10 of The All Gifts Podcast artist influencer, wife and mother, Chantel Deniese joins me to discuss how forgiveness unlocks deeper levels of healing, creativity, and freedom in our lives.
Why Forgiveness?
We have justifiable reasons to be angry, offended, or hurt. Maybe we’ve been betrayed, abused, or let down by people we trusted.
Forgiveness isn’t saying whatever happened to us is meaningless or we should forget about it. It also doesn’t mean that we condone whatever happened.
When I was a girl, I was mad at my dad. I resented him for choosing heroin over my brother and I. He knew his actions hurt us and at times he seemed remorseful, but he couldn’t stop. Eventually Dad went missing in action. At first it was bouts in prison, later he withdrew from us for long periods of time, as if just seeing us caused him pain. My mom would say it was because he felt guilty. I didn’t care about that. I just wanted my dad.
Years later when I was a young adult, Dad and I tried to pick up the pieces, find our relationship again. He was on methadone and drinking less. But he was still so emotionally immature, he disappeared at the first sign of conflict or drama.
When I was thirty-one, Dad went to the emergency room. He was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. He never left that hospital alive.
In the weeks he was there, I learned some things about forgiveness that surprised me.
Forgiveness is an action
Up to that point, I’d learned as a Christian that I was forgiven and that I should forgive. For years, I prayed to forgive dad, but I wasn’t sure if I had. How would I know? What would it feel like? Standing next to his hospital bed, looking down into his eyes as he heard the news that he was dying, I knew what forgiveness felt like. It felt like being there for him in his darkest, most fearful moment and caring more about his soul than my own valid grievances.
Forgiveness is freedom
I’d always held onto my pain like a shield in front of my heart, waiting for Dad to make it right. He never did. But when I forgave him in that hospital room, I let that heavy shield fall. I held his crinkly hand, aged beyond his fifty-six years, up to my heart and expressed my love and forgiveness. The old memories, ghosts that stood between us, dissipated, and never returned.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself
I found empathy for the boy whose blue eyes embedded in my father’s face looked back at me. He listened as I tearfully prayed. When he squeezed my hand, I looked up and saw reflected to me something we’d both been looking for all our lives, acceptance.
I’m grateful for forgiveness because I can look back at our relationship now and feel nothing but peace.
